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    Jokes

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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 27 Jan 2016 - 18:09

    "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

    Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 28 Jan 2016 - 9:25

    "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

    Roseanne Barr (November 3 1952-)



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 29 Jan 2016 - 12:41

    "First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."

    Steve Martin (August 14 1945-)




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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23751
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Fri 29 Jan 2016 - 12:43

    I dont get that 
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 29 Jan 2016 - 12:56

    Probably the bad news is it's incurable...



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
    Join date : 2011-08-13
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    Location : Scotland

    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 30 Jan 2016 - 10:47

    "You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."

    George Burns (1896-1996)



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    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21127
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Topdog on Sat 30 Jan 2016 - 20:45

    Reg Thicko, its because its so rare no one has had it before, He had Dixonamnesia



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 31 Jan 2016 - 9:31

    "Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

    Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 1 Feb 2016 - 17:24

    "She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.'

    Bob Hope (1903-2003)




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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19211
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 46
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by 3rdforum on Mon 1 Feb 2016 - 18:28







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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 2 Feb 2016 - 17:43

    "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.'

    Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 3 Feb 2016 - 18:51

    "If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.'

    Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 17:08

    "You know, it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks: "Daddy, is this organic?" "Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight! We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!"
    Dylan Moran (November 3 1971)



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:04

    "I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered 'French Toast during the Renaissance'.
    Peter Kay (July 2 1973-)



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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23751
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:05

    1973 ?
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:56

    That would make him 43...looks about right.



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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23751
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 18:18

    Thought it was when he said it
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 20:00




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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23751
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 20:07

    I'm a bit thick arnt i
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 6 Feb 2016 - 17:49

    "Bob Geldof . . . no wonder he's such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don't Like Mondays for thirty years."

    Russell Brand (June 4 1975-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 7 Feb 2016 - 9:14

    "Where there's a will – there's a relative!"

    Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 8 Feb 2016 - 17:39

    "A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?" The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now".'

    Ronnie Barker (1929-2005)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 35775
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 9 Feb 2016 - 18:30

    "I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful? . . . No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup."



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 10 Feb 2016 - 16:52

    "Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.'

    Jenny Eclair (March 16 1960-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 11 Feb 2016 - 16:23

    "I wish people would stop making fun of fat people – they have enough sh-t on their plates."

    Eddie Murphy (April 3 1961-)




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    Re: Jokes

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