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    Jokes

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    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21161
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 57
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Topdog on Fri 8 Jan 2016 - 22:57

    q8..........How to get rid of a nasty stain on your bed sheet, produces massive scisssors and cuts it out, nutter
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 9 Jan 2016 - 8:49

    "I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'

    George Carlin (1937-2008)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 10 Jan 2016 - 8:59

    "I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really sh-tty body.'

    Louis CK (1967-)




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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19275
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by 3rdforum on Sun 10 Jan 2016 - 23:28

    [img][/img]






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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23994
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Mon 11 Jan 2016 - 10:20

     
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    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21161
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Topdog on Mon 11 Jan 2016 - 10:24

    racist
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 11 Jan 2016 - 18:13



    The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
    I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’

    Les Dawson (1931-1993)




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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19275
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by 3rdforum on Mon 11 Jan 2016 - 22:17

    He was great when he did the northern women who would only "mouth" any dirty words







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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 12 Jan 2016 - 17:24

    "A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.'

    Joan Rivers (1933-2014)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 13 Jan 2016 - 16:43

    "Room service? Send up a larger room.'

    Groucho Marx (1890-1977)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 14 Jan 2016 - 16:54

    "Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.'

    Chris Rock (February 7 1965-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 15 Jan 2016 - 9:37

    "My friend keeps telling me I'm in the closet . . . I just say it's Narnia business!'

    Will Ferrell (July 16 1967-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 16 Jan 2016 - 8:53

    "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for.'

    WC Fields (1880-1946)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 17 Jan 2016 - 9:44

    "A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.'

    Bill Murray (September 21 1950-)




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    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21161
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Topdog on Sun 17 Jan 2016 - 9:50

    like that
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 18 Jan 2016 - 17:25

    "My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!'

    Sarah Silverman (December 2 1970-)





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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 19 Jan 2016 - 18:25

    "God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.'

    Robin Williams (1951-2014)




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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 23994
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Mcqueen on Tue 19 Jan 2016 - 18:30

    Loved her - him dancing with the hoover,   Dancing
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 20 Jan 2016 - 17:04

    "Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.'

    Bill Bailey (January 13 1964-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 21 Jan 2016 - 17:01

    "How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"

    Steven Wright (December 6 1955-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 22 Jan 2016 - 8:54

    "The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie."

    Victor Borges (1909-2000)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 23 Jan 2016 - 8:57

    "The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."

    Jay Leno (April 28 1950-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 24 Jan 2016 - 12:43

    "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

    Dave Barry (July 3 1947-)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 25 Jan 2016 - 18:50

    "Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."

    Benny Hill (1924-1992)




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 36227
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    Re: Jokes

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 26 Jan 2016 - 17:37

    "

    Sir Bedevere: 'Now, why do witches burn?'
    Peasant: '...because they're made of... wood?'
    Sir Bedevere: 'Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?'
    Peasant 2: 'Build a bridge out of her.'

    From Monty Python and the Holy Grail




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