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    Boom, Boom

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    BobMac
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 507
    Join date : 2012-03-22
    Age : 71
    Location : Chelmsford

    Boom, Boom

    Post by BobMac on Mon 9 Mar 2015 - 17:22

    Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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    A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"  The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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    63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.  It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed.  The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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    Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.  Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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    Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway.  Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"  The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that. Three of you have got to get out!"
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    Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.  "Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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    Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".  Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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    My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house.  Turns out she was a Slovak.
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    Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.  If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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    I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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    Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate.  When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.  I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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    A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.  Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
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    Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots.  Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
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    Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.  Both in hospital.  One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
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    In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper and lead.
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    Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.
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    An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats!  It's doing well.  Prophets are going through the roof!
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    A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'  Granny replies 'bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
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    A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible.  I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.'  He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'



    avatar
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24972
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Mcqueen on Mon 9 Mar 2015 - 17:42

    avatar
    Perfectspecimen
     
     

    Liechtenstein Male Posts : 13320
    Join date : 2011-08-15
    Age : 63
    Location : Cambs / Golf del Sur

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Perfectspecimen on Mon 9 Mar 2015 - 19:46

    Yep, couple of decent jokes in there. Racist and sexist. Keep 'em coming folks before jokes get banned full stop. 



    Adventure before dementia!!!
    avatar
    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21327
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 58
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Topdog on Mon 9 Mar 2015 - 23:40

    Fifteen skinheads chased a Pakistani into a shop and proceed to kick seven flavours of shit out of him. Eventually, the police arrived and arrested everyone. 

    One of the coppers walked over to the shop assistant and asked if he saw it all happen.

    When the clerk replied, "Yes," the cop asked why he didn't help out.

    "I thought fifteen was enough," came the reply.

    Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/racism/pakistani/fifteen-skinheads-chased-a-pakistani-into-a-shop-and-proceed-500#ixzz3Tw1uut4K
    avatar
    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21327
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 58
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Topdog on Mon 9 Mar 2015 - 23:41

    What's big and round and hates Asian friends?

    THE WORLD!

    Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/racism/pakistani#ixzz3Tw2AKjMt
    avatar
    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21327
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 58
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Topdog on Tue 10 Mar 2015 - 7:23

    Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim 
    Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

    Lets have a look at the evidence:
    - No Christmas
    - No television
    - No nude women
    - No football
    - No pork chops
    - No hot dogs
    - No burgers
    - No beer
    - No bacon
    - Rags for clothes
    - Towels for hats
    - Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
    - More than one wife
    - More than one mother in law
    - You can't shave
    - Your wife can't shave
    - You can't wash off the smell of donkey
    - You cook over burning camel shit
    - Your wife is picked by someone else for you
    - and your wife smells worse than your donkey
    Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??[
    Well no shit Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse

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    Gypsy
     
     

    Spain Female Posts : 12409
    Join date : 2011-08-14

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Gypsy on Tue 10 Mar 2015 - 9:07

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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24972
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Mcqueen on Tue 10 Mar 2015 - 9:31

    The text message wins
    avatar
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 38257
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 20 May 2015 - 20:23




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    avatar
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24972
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Mcqueen on Wed 20 May 2015 - 20:25

    Down fall of many a man,
    avatar
    Topdog
     
     

    England Male Posts : 21327
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 58
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Topdog on Wed 20 May 2015 - 20:31

    i WILL GIVE HER SOMETHING TONOSH.
    avatar
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24972
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Boom, Boom

    Post by Mcqueen on Wed 20 May 2015 - 20:34


      Current date/time is Mon 20 Nov 2017 - 19:04