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    Getting Old

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    BobMac
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 503
    Join date : 2012-03-22
    Age : 70
    Location : Chelmsford

    Getting Old

    Post by BobMac on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 17:02

    As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's arse anymore.

    .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
    .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
    .. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while ...
    .. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
     
     And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

    Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
     
    1. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
    3. I finally got my head together and now my body is falling apart.
    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
    5. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
    6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
    7. It was a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser.
    8. Some days you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post.
    9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
    13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
    14. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
    15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
    16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here after".

    19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.



    avatar
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24039
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by Mcqueen on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 17:12

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    Gypsy
     
     

    Spain Female Posts : 12124
    Join date : 2011-08-14
    Age : 70

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by Gypsy on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 17:34

    Can't remember if I have already posted this but it seems apt :)

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    Mermaid
     
     

    Scotland Female Posts : 8751
    Join date : 2011-08-14
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by Mermaid on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 19:44

    love it



    Live life to the full now or it could be too late
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    maxheadroom
     
     

    England Male Posts : 8
    Join date : 2015-01-27
    Age : 60
    Location : Los Roques de Fasnia

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by maxheadroom on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 21:14

    Angry3   More signs of You're Getting Old:

      


    • All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.

    • An 'all-nighter' means not getting up to pee!

    • At a garden party you're mainly interested in the garden.

    • At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

    • The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

    • The clothes you've put away until they come back in style...come back in style.

    • Conversations with people your own age often turn into 'dueling ailments.'

    • Frequently you find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

    • 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

    • 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

    • Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

    • The gray-haired person you help across the street is your spouse.

    • A group of campers form a circle and start singing 'Kumbaya' when you light the candles on your birthday cake.

    • It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

    • It takes too much effort to procrastinate.

    • The kids leave one by one, only to return two by two.

    • Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

    • Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

    • One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

    • A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

    • Someone compliments you on your layered look...and you're wearing a bikini.

    • A stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

    • They seem to be making adults much younger--when did they decide to let kids become policemen?

    • The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say 'pureed.'

    • When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    • When you do the 'Hokey Pokey' you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

    • Work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

    • You begin every other sentence with, 'Nowadays...'

    • You can do just as much as ever; but would rather not.

    • You choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy

    • You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

    • You discover the words, 'whippersnapper,' and 'by-cracky' creeping into your vocabulary.

    • You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

    • You find this list tasteless and insensitive.

    • You have trouble remembering simple words like...

    • You keep repeating yourself.

    • You know it all, you just can't remember it all at once!

    • You keep repeating yourself.

    • You look both ways before crossing a room.

    • You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.

    • You make it a point to attend all the motorhome shows that come to town.

    • You realize that aging is not for wimps.

    • You keep repeating yourself.

    • You refer to your £2500 stereo system as 'the hi-fi.'

    • You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

    • You smile all the time because you can't hear a thing others are saying.

    • You start beating everyone else at trivia games.

    • You start video-taping daytime game shows.

    • You still have a photographic memory but it no longer offers same day service.

    • You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.

    • You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

    • You're a walking storeroom of facts...you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

    • You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.

    • You're good at opening childproof caps--with a hammer.

    • You're not grouchy, you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things you can't remember.

    • You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

    • You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

    • You're sure everything you can't find is in a secure place.

    • You're the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

    • You're usually interested in going home before you get where you're going.

    • You're very good at telling stories--over and over and over and over...

    • You're well cared for--long term care, eye care, private care, dental care, Medicare.

    • You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.

    • You've met so many people that everyone you meet reminds you of someone else.

    • You've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...you just can't remember it all.

    • Your back goes out more than you do.

    • Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

    • Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

    • Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.

    • Your lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

    • Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

    • Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "pick one, I can't do both!"



    Last edited by maxheadroom on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 22:14; edited 1 time in total
    avatar
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19293
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
    Location : Ireland

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by 3rdforum on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 22:03







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    maxheadroom
     
     

    England Male Posts : 8
    Join date : 2015-01-27
    Age : 60
    Location : Los Roques de Fasnia

    Re: Getting Old

    Post by maxheadroom on Wed 4 Feb 2015 - 22:20

    Success


    Angry2


    • At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

    • At age 12 success is...having friends.

    • At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

    • At age 20 success is...having sex.

    • At age 35 success is...having money.

    • At age 50 success is...having money.

    • At age 60 success is...having sex.

    • At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.

    • At age 75 success is...having friends.

    • At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants.


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