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    Disorder in the Courts

    Gypsy
    Gypsy
     
     

    Spain Female Posts : 12662
    Join date : 2011-08-14

    Disorder in the Courts Empty Disorder in the Courts

    Post by Gypsy on Wed 3 Jul 2013 - 12:56

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...
    _________________________________________

    And last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law [
    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 30206
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Disorder in the Courts Empty Re: Disorder in the Courts

    Post by Mcqueen on Wed 3 Jul 2013 - 13:12

    Disorder in the Courts 3025408739  Thats the funniest thing i have read in ages, you can just see him peering over his glasses oblivious to what is being said,
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56798
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Disorder in the Courts Empty Re: Disorder in the Courts

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 3 Jul 2013 - 18:05

    Last one is a beaut! Disorder in the Courts 3318427985



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    Mermaid
    Mermaid
     
     

    Scotland Female Posts : 10313
    Join date : 2011-08-14
    Location : Scotland

    Disorder in the Courts Empty Re: Disorder in the Courts

    Post by Mermaid on Wed 3 Jul 2013 - 20:05

    they are great good 



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