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    Lawyers.

    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 57965
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Lawyers. Empty Lawyers.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat Feb 25, 2012 9:37 am

    IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE
    AS A COURT REPORTER



    These are from a book
    called Disorder in the American Courts and are

    things people actually
    said in court, word for word, taken down and

    published by court
    reporters that had the torment of staying calm while

    the exchanges were
    taking place.


    ATTORNEY: What was
    the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

    WITNESS: He
    said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

    ATTORNEY: And why
    did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My
    name is Susan!

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What
    gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    WITNESS:
    Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you
    sexually active?

    WITNESS: No
    , I just lie there.

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This
    myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS:
    Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in
    what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I
    forget..

    ATTORNEY: You
    forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now
    doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
    about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you
    actually pass the bar exam?

    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The
    youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS:
    He's 20 , much like your IQ.

    ___________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Were you
    present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Are
    you shitting me?

    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the
    date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS:
    Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what
    were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS:
    Getting laid

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had
    three children , right?

    WITNESS:
    Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many
    were boys?

    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were
    there any girls?

    WITNESS:
    Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was
    your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By
    death..

    ATTORNEY: And by
    whose death was it terminated?

    WITNESS:
    Take a guess.

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you
    describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He
    was about medium height and had a beard

    ATTORNEY: Was this
    a male or a female?

    WITNESS:
    Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your
    appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
    your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this
    is how I dress when I go to work.

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor ,
    how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    WITNESS: All
    of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your
    responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?

    WITNESS:
    Oral...

    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you
    recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The
    autopsy started around 8:30 PM

    ATTORNEY: And Mr.
    Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: If
    not , he was by the time I finished.

    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you
    qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Are
    you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor,
    before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you
    check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you
    check for breathing?

    WITNESS:
    No..

    ATTORNEY: So, then
    it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can
    you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS:
    Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: I see,
    but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS:
    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.







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    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 30405
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Lawyers. Empty Re: Lawyers.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:17 am

    Lawyers. 3077217049 Sounds like a great day out to me. I love anything like that, The educated leading the riff raff,

      Current date/time is Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:00 am