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    Humour.

    3rdforum
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 21569
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 48
    Location : Ireland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Wed 6 Mar 2019 - 17:49

    Humour. - Page 20 3025408739 Humour. - Page 20 3025408739 Humour. - Page 20 3025408739






    searcher
    searcher
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 6772
    Join date : 2012-09-18
    Age : 74
    Location : edinburgh

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by searcher on Wed 6 Mar 2019 - 20:40

    Sounds fair enough to me , the guy was obviously practicing his jump start procedure
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 9:59

    The Interview

    Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.
    Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
    After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun."
    So they went back to her place and got comfortable.
    After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.
    Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand."
    Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."
    He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
    Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......."
    "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun."
    Cilla complies with the routine.
    The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.
    Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks. "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"
    Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch stole ma wallet!!.



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 11:23

    Humour. - Page 20 53375510



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 13:39

    Don't know if everyone will get this... Humour. - Page 20 3025408739

    Humour. - Page 20 53165110



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 14:12

    Humour. - Page 20 53349910



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    Adam Mint
    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 21345
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 54

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 14:22

    Campbell Brodie wrote:The Interview

    Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.
    Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
    After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun."
    So they went back to her place and got comfortable.
    After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.
    Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand."
    Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."
    He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
    Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......."
    "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun."
    Cilla complies with the routine.
    The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.
    Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks. "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"
    Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch stole ma wallet!!.

    My Sean Connery moment,,, a month or so back I'm in pub with my mate Gary, plan is Sharon her sister and sisters husband are joining us, they arrive and we're sorting out seating around table we were at, I say (totally not meaning to) "Sharon can shit between me and Gary"...
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 14:33

    Humour. - Page 20 53599110



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 20:06

    Humour. - Page 20 53875410



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    innit
    innit
     
     

    Posts : 2155
    Join date : 2011-08-23

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by innit on Thu 7 Mar 2019 - 20:21

    Humour. - Page 20 53230837_1549590955174706_1882155059672776704_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 8 Mar 2019 - 10:13

    Brenda and her Beaver...Facebook Humour. - Page 20 3025408739



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 8 Mar 2019 - 10:41

    Humour. - Page 20 53476510



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 8 Mar 2019 - 14:33

    Humour. - Page 20 53480510



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 8 Mar 2019 - 14:50

    Humour. - Page 20 53283410



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    3rdforum
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 21569
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 48
    Location : Ireland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Fri 8 Mar 2019 - 22:04

    Campbell Brodie wrote:Humour. - Page 20 53476510
    Humour. - Page 20 2485877773 Humour. - Page 20 2485877773 Humour. - Page 20 2485877773






    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 13:27

    A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work well, but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says,"You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
    "Yes I have," says the man.
    "And has she helped you make a decision?"
    "Yes" says the man.
    "So, what's your decision?" asks the doctor.
    "We're getting granite counter tops."



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 14:00

    Humour. - Page 20 53292210



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    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 28242
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 14:10

    Campbell Brodie wrote:A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work well, but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says,"You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
    "Yes I have," says the man.
    "And has she helped you make a decision?"
    "Yes" says the man.
    "So, what's your decision?" asks the doctor.
    "We're getting granite counter tops."
    Humour. - Page 20 2485877773
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 64
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 14:45

    Humour. - Page 20 53685610



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    Mcqueen
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    England Male Posts : 28242
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 14:47

    Humour. - Page 20 1498946960 Humour. - Page 20 1498946960 Humour. - Page 20 1498946960
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
    Join date : 2011-08-13
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 9 Mar 2019 - 17:29

    Sunday church and the minister says, "If you know your wife is controlling you, take one step to the left". Every man in church except one moved. "Glad to see there's a man who can stand up for himself" said the minister. "Why didn't you move?" " My wife told me not to, vicar".



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    Campbell Brodie
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    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 10 Mar 2019 - 11:07

    Humour. - Page 20 53489110



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    Mcqueen
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    England Male Posts : 28242
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sun 10 Mar 2019 - 11:29

    Humour. - Page 20 2485877773
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 48176
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    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 10 Mar 2019 - 18:25

    Humour. - Page 20 53264610



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    Mcqueen
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    Humour. - Page 20 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sun 10 Mar 2019 - 18:33

    Humour. - Page 20 2485877773 Humour. - Page 20 2163638311

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