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    Humour.

    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 16:35

    Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 Humour. - Page 21 3025408739



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 18:01

    Nae luck! Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 FB video



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 18:16

    A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part ...... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.



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    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 29940
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 18:42

    Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Bassa
    3rdforum
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 22646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 50
    Location : Ireland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 20:40

    Campbell Brodie wrote:Nae luck! Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 FB video
    Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Humour. - Page 21 2485877773






    3rdforum
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 22646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 50
    Location : Ireland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 20:41

    Campbell Brodie wrote:A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part ...... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.
    Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Humour. - Page 21 2485877773






    Adam Mint
    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 22501
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 55

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Tue 9 Jan 2018 - 21:12

    Campbell Brodie wrote:Nae luck! Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 FB video

    First time I ever went to Spain we went on an excursion to a mock bull fight, guys organising are asking people in the audience to come forward, there's a guy "Billy" from Glasgow constantly volunteering, I can still remember his name today over forty years later, guys organising event keep saying you've had a bit to much to drink Billy,,, come the end of event they let him on, the bull they let out for him to fight is twice the size of any of the others, it totally knocked the shit out of him,,, almost felt sory for the drunk eejit...

    Funny as fu#k it was, turns out him and his mate were on same coach back to resort as us, black and blue, skin removed from every part of his body, bit less verbal, he would have been sore for rest of holiday...

    Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Humour. - Page 21 2485877773
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 10 Jan 2018 - 18:16

    Humour. - Page 21 26230110



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Wed 10 Jan 2018 - 18:20

    Humour. - Page 21 26196010



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    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 29940
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Wed 10 Jan 2018 - 18:49

    Humour. - Page 21 2485877773 Humour. - Page 21 1498946960
    innit
    innit
     
     

    Posts : 2651
    Join date : 2011-08-23

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by innit on Thu 11 Jan 2018 - 21:20

    Humour. - Page 21 PmN1u17
    innit
    innit
     
     

    Posts : 2651
    Join date : 2011-08-23

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by innit on Thu 11 Jan 2018 - 21:29

    A Pakistani immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

    The Doctor says "You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage.

    Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for 3 days".

    The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

     

    "You were homesick " Humour. - Page 21 Icon_biggrin
    3rdforum
    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 22646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 50
    Location : Ireland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Thu 11 Jan 2018 - 21:52

    Can't wait for vince's reply Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 Humour. - Page 21 3025408739






    Adam Mint
    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 22501
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 55

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Fri 12 Jan 2018 - 0:07

    oooo, Humour. - Page 21 2485877773Humour. - Page 21 2485877773Humour. - Page 21 2485877773
    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 29940
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Fri 12 Jan 2018 - 8:02

    Humour. - Page 21 2419626307  Humour. - Page 21 3025408739
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 13 Jan 2018 - 13:59

    Humour. - Page 21 26230810



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 13 Jan 2018 - 15:07

    Humour. - Page 21 26734110



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 13 Jan 2018 - 15:38

    I've been getting spammed in FB by this guy called Buster. He keeps sending me videos of songs by the '70's band The Sweet. Does anyone know a way, there's got to be a way, to block Buster...



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    Mcqueen
    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 29940
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 66
    Location : England

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sat 13 Jan 2018 - 16:19

    Humour. - Page 21 3025408739 Humour. - Page 21 1498946960
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 14 Jan 2018 - 10:27

    Humour. - Page 21 Captu339



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 15 Jan 2018 - 18:32

    Dancing machine...

    purpletastic!



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    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Mon 15 Jan 2018 - 19:06

    When your cat crashes his bike in a dream...

    fb video



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    innit
    innit
     
     

    Posts : 2651
    Join date : 2011-08-23

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by innit on Mon 15 Jan 2018 - 20:31

    Paddy and Mick found three hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy replied, "We'll lie and say we only found two."

    A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won €52.

    Paddy's racing snail was not winning races any more so he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work; if anything it made him more sluggish.

    Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says, "Bejaysus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "Is it tickin'?" Paddy says, "No, I tink it's turkey."

    Mick says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you." Paddy says, "Well the joke's on them, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

    Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

    Paddy says to Mick, "I'm ready for a holiday, only this year, I'm going to do it a bit different. Three years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago, I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, "So what are you going to do this year?" Paddy replies, "I tink I'll take her with me."

    Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." Mick says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

    Paddy's in the bathroom and Mick shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "I did, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."


    Last edited by innit on Tue 16 Jan 2018 - 10:34; edited 1 time in total
    Adam Mint
    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 22501
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 55

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Mon 15 Jan 2018 - 23:50

    Campbell Brodie wrote:Dancing machine...

    purpletastic!

    For feck sake just go have a piss...
    Campbell Brodie
    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 56540
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 65
    Location : Scotland

    Humour. - Page 21 Empty Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Thu 18 Jan 2018 - 12:11

    Humour. - Page 21 26907810



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