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    Humour.

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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 12 Aug 2017 - 21:17

    Does look a bit spazzy right enough...



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sat 12 Aug 2017 - 21:17

    Minty at dinner time...
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    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 19344
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 52

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 1:54

    Food no, beer yes...
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    angusjim
     
     

    UK Male Posts : 406
    Join date : 2016-05-21
    Age : 62

    Re: Humour.

    Post by angusjim on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 7:27

    We present 20 of the most ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers to their travel agent, taken from research by Thomas Cook and ABTA.

    A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

    A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

    "The beach was too sandy."

    A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

    "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

    "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£4.50/US$6.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

    "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

    "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

    "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

    "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

    "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

    "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

    "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

    "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

    "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

    "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

    "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

    "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

    "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

    "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24708
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 7:55

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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 8:28

    I like the pregnant one best!



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 9:43

    I despair of some people...





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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
    Location : Ireland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 9:49







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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 10:01

    Only the Scots will get this....

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    angusjim
     
     

    UK Male Posts : 406
    Join date : 2016-05-21
    Age : 62

    Re: Humour.

    Post by angusjim on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 10:08

    Campbell Brodie wrote:Only the Scots will get this....

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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
    Location : Ireland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 10:12

    yer right!






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    angusjim
     
     

    UK Male Posts : 406
    Join date : 2016-05-21
    Age : 62

    Re: Humour.

    Post by angusjim on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 10:13

    Classic Chewin the Fat ( some may need sub titles ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcPgsMqPQpI
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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24708
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 11:20

    Queer lot
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    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 19344
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 52

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 12:22

    Right LOVE...
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 12:51




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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 15:40

    Advice from Japanese doctor...

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

    Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

    Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

    AND......

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.



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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 18:54

    Our wee darlings go back on Wednesday...





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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
    Location : Ireland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 19:02

    Ours have another 2 weeks or maybe 3






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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 19:07

    You must break up late...ours broke up about 28th June or thereabouts.



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    Adam Mint
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 19344
    Join date : 2011-10-07
    Age : 52

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Adam Mint on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 20:03

    Do I give a feck,,, oh I'm very pissed...
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    3rdforum
     
     

    Ireland Male Posts : 19646
    Join date : 2011-08-30
    Age : 47
    Location : Ireland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by 3rdforum on Sun 13 Aug 2017 - 21:29

    Campbell Brodie wrote:You must break up late...ours broke up about 28th June or thereabouts.
    Yep. Round about the same time. eoghan and Shona finished on June 2nd.






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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 15 Aug 2017 - 16:29

    Dermo trying to get a bargain...





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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Tue 15 Aug 2017 - 16:56

    Everyone told me not to handle glue before going to the firing range, but I'm sticking to my guns...



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    Mcqueen
     
     

    England Male Posts : 24708
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 63
    Location : England

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Mcqueen on Tue 15 Aug 2017 - 17:17

    I've had worse Hi Reg have you anything cheap to put me on for a bit ? Yes £300 ready to roll
    What colour is it   Are you serious its £300 your lucky its got seats feck me
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    Campbell Brodie
     
     

    Scotland Male Posts : 37754
    Join date : 2011-08-13
    Age : 62
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Humour.

    Post by Campbell Brodie on Fri 18 Aug 2017 - 9:31

    Bad timing I know, but it made me laugh...

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      Current date/time is Sat 21 Oct 2017 - 5:55