Todays news.

No Mr Trump. Mr Farage my hero will be wasted in the US. He should be head of Brexit negotiating team. After all he was the architect of it and of course the guys a proven winner.
Peterborough Hospital want to see a passport and a utility bill before you get treatment. Good. I had to show mine when I went there for my op. Only thing is I thought it was all UK hospitals, apparently not.

That something to do with the ambassador job. Heard something about it today

Yeah, No.10 says "There's no vacancy, we already have one." Which is fair enough...

So as most households a coule live together and work hard but are not married, utitlity bills are in just one of their names lets say Reg Dixon and Tricia Brodie are the couple. Bills are in name of Dixon as he has more time on his hands what happens to poor Brodie, sorry not got a utility bill, sorry see yer

Mmm Last week i bought a car from a Big London dealership in Mayfair, They asked for a passport copy and a utility bill    i thought bugger i dont get a utility bill anymore its all on line,
Ah but i had a water board bill or forcast and i sent that, so yeh utility bills in any name are so last year

Since when has my wife and Reg been a couple? I'm paying McQueen a visit...

I'm not in

You been neglecting her

Seems like it!

Keep her in Kitchen

The Lone Ranger wrote:Since when has my wife and Reg been a couple? I'm paying McQueen a visit...

only just seen this.

Be ok in the Kitchen Reg, but you would have to get a Bidet fitted so she can wash up.

You can tell your not getting nought Kev with the stuff you come out with, that's all you talk about     X

Yeh sad git get a blow up doll 

  That would go down on him   X

Dont i wont sleep 

zdeekie wrote:You can tell your not getting nought Kev with the stuff you come out with, that's all you talk about     X

erm what nowt washing up no sexual talk there

Oh and my blow up doll has a runny nose

Not sure what Carol read

This is not the porn or smut thread this is about the news. So back on topic, and this was discussed on Question Time tonight, a Passport or utility bill of course is stupid. For a start all Brits dont have passports but they do have NI numbers, got mine at birth but I do believe foreigners can apply if they are legal in this country. Furthermore if a 'tourist' turns up at surgery or hospital the first thing the docs etc do is get up your medical record on the screen. Well, no medical record is surely enough to throw up a red flag. If you roll up at your local free hospital in Tenerife Kev the first thing they will ask for is your residency card, or in my case a current EHIC card and associated paper work including probably my passport. Without any of these you will quickly get diverted to the private sector,,,,,,,,,,,, credit card please Sir. On a similar note I would have no problem with having to carry a UK residency card or indeed having a microchip put in my neck like Patch the dog. At least you cant lose that and like Patch I may at some time in the near future get lost myself and the cops will need to know what home for the confused I am living at.   DNA and fingerprints should all be taken at birth as well, sorry Mr Kyle, or for any immigrant, not just illegals. They already have mine anyway, got nicked for fraud in '96. Had my tax disc in the wrong car.......   While we are on the subject of driving offences since the advent of speed cameras some 20 or so years ago I have had my fair share of photos taken, oops. At first I used to own up and send the cheque off but at some point got a bit cheesed off with this so decided I would ignore them. This has worked a treat for at least 2 over the years but the last one was in Lincolnshire. Heyup, these buggers are on the ball. They are actually persuing it. Jeez. Not made my mind up fully yet but will probably continue to ignore it, mainly indeed because they want me to fill in a form detailing all my assets and earnings! Cheeky feckers. Yeah, I'm a multi millionaire who drives an antique '91 campervan.  Especially galling this one as I generally have trouble keeping up with the traffic in this, even lorrys, but sadly it is indeed capable of doing 37mph in a 30 limit. So folks gist of this is if you get a speeding notice from Lincolnshire Police best pay up and swallow. Or attend the silly speed awareness course. 

Mcqueen wrote:Yeh sad git get a blow up doll 

Blow up doll,,, my mate ain't getting on with his wife so nothing's happening in the bedroom department, I say get yourself to that sex shop down the road and get one of them blow up dolls...

I see him a few days later, I say you go sex shop, he says yip, I asked for the doll and guy behind counter says Christian or Muslim,,, I say what's the difference,,, seemingly the Muslim ones blow themselfs up...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yip think I posted it before,,, but I like it.............

Hmmm, Muslim virgins,,,,,,,,,,, was it 57 or am I getting confused with the Heinz variety. Talking of beans, probs a lot of them have had their bean removed............  Bet this gets removed as soon as Mermaid spots it in the morning Minty. 

Its not April Fools day so it must be serious. Government are going to make the wearing of military medals that you havent actually been presented with illegal and up to six months jail for offenders. Thats as pathetic as the twats who wear them. If anyone out there has a German U-boat medal please give me a shout, I'll wear it next November instead of a fecking poppy.